12/28/2012

A day to mourn

If you've spent any time online lately I'm sure you've heard about Putin's final act, signing a bill that effectively sealed the fates of hundreds of thousands of Russian orphans. Children we have personally met, held, and prayed over.

What do you say in a moment like this, when there are no words to be found.   When you hug your Russian born child all day long, as your mourn for his best friends who no longer stand a chance of finding a home in our country?

We do the only thing we can do, pray.

We pray for all the lives affected by such a serious decision. Surely there are millions of souls who mourn with us today - both American, and Russian.

We pray for a spark, a shift in attitude, a subtle change that will reopen hearts that have been slammed closed. We ask for ears that will hear the pleas of the needy and reconsider. We ask that they will think about the big picture of the decision and not see the problem through their own eyes.

We ask that God would draw near to the millions that are also mourning, that He would take this time to pull those in need close to his side. That He would reveal Himself to the lowly, the way He revealed Himself to our son.

And mostly we need to remember that it really isn't our job as Americans to fix Russia's problems. It's not our job to rescue, save, or restore. Those things can only come from the healing that Christ brings. We need to remember to take our loss to the cross and leave it there.

One of my favorite mantras from our adoption process is: God has a perfect plan, and this is a part of it. We don't have to like it, but we do have to accept it. With those words in mind as I spend my day in mourning, holding my son for as long as he can stand me, I'll choose to be thankful. Thankful that my heart was stirred in time to do something about his needs. Thankful that God chose to bring hope to this one. And thankful that God has a perfect plan for the others.

Will you join me?

12/12/2012

I just see'd it in my head.

I have been a Christian for the better part of twenty years, I have never once had a vision from God at any point in my walk. I believe that people have them, but apparently I'm just not one of them.

But I'm starting to think that I adopted one.

A few of you have heard the story about Max's angel. For those who haven't he shared the experience with me over lunch one day. Aparently while in the orphanage, he woke in the middle of the night to find someone in his room, dressed in white with something he called a "pharoh" on his head, which I can only assume was a halo. Then poof the stranger was gone. End of story.
That little exchange caused me to come a little untangled. Here we have a boy, who has serious cognitive delays (aka he's not all that intelligent) who has never really been told much about Angels, who can not only accurately describe the form an Angel might have used to present itself, but also knew what it was without any help from any of us.

Cool right?

But there's more. This week we were discussing the story of baby Jesus and how he came to be Max's friend so Max could go to Heaven. I'm standing in the kitchen making lunch and Max scurries in and says "Mom, baby Jesus, is He the one who has ouchies right here, and here?" Indicating his palm and the back of his hand.

And I stare at him slightly dumbfounded, because here we have a boy who doesn't really have the recall skills to remember the Bible story he heard three days ago in Sunday school, that has some how made the leap to connect the Nativity and the Crucifiction. Not only did he have the ouchie's located in the appropriate place, but he knew that there should be one on each side of his hand, where the nail went all the way through.

As if he had seen both sides of Christ's hands.

And so I ask cautiously. Oh so cautiously, "Did you see a picture of that somewhere? Like in a story?" Knowing full well that even if he had seen a powerful picture in a book, read by someone else (because it wasn't me) way back around Easter that there's no way he would still remember that. Not to mention the specific detail about both sides of the hand, cause I really doubt that part would have been in whatever story he might have heard.

And he gives me this grin. It's the "I know something you don't know, don't I?" grin, and says "Nope, I just see'd it in my head." And off he ran to go knock down someone's block tower. And that was the end.

At this point I'm a little glad that God doesn't send me the visions, because getting them second hand is enough to rattle me. This little boy, who is struggling so much as he deals with his attachment disorder, anxiety, and emotional trauma from his history with neglect / abuse. Who tries his best on a daily basis to make us all crazy, is the recipient of these visions. And how highly God must think of this poor little soul to comfort him with such visual outpourings.

And maybe, just maybe, God is giving him these visions to assure me that He is indeed surrounding this little boy with His love and protection. And all I have to do is show up, and let God use me to turn this poor kid to do something amazing.

12/05/2012

More than merry...

This is the second Christmas season that we've had our Max, and it's so interesting to compare this one with the last. Last year he totally got the concept of Santa and "pedarky's". It seemed like every time we left the house he'd ask if he was about to see someone who would have a pedarky for him to unwrap, sadly for a time, the answer was usually yes. But beyond the gift giving aspect, he really had no concept of what the season was about.

This year we're really thrilled to take his concept of the season to the next level. To introduce the relational side of the season, about tradition, family and faith. About how Grandpa would really prefer something handmade over another festive tie; and about a baby named Jesus, who would eventually revolutionize the world.

While I help my son unpack the truths behind this season of celebration I have to pause myself and reconsinder my own concept of the season. I've always been the "less is more" type, so we've always gone the simple route with the secular side of our celebration.

But what if I'm done with less, and am ready for more out of Christmas? Not more stuff. Heavens no. More tradition, more faith, more love. These are the things I want to give and receive.

The mall is trying to sell me my "best holiday season ever", but I'm not sure I want what they have to offer. My house is tiny, especially for a family of six, so to say we have a limited amount of storage space is an understatement. If I don't want my house to look like an episode of Hoarders, I have to watch the amount of stuff I buy. Investing in a bunch of earthly possessions just doesn't make a lot of sense for us this season (or ever, really).

But you know what is so darned cool? The heart has unlimited storage. The more love you add, the better it gets. Overflowing closet = eek. Overflowing heart = an outpouring of love. Do you see where this is going? Do you see why I'd rather invest in my children's hearts instead of another electronic device?

So this holiday season, in my attempts to make it "the best Christmas ever" I have a question that I'm using as a filter. Does this particular gift or tradition improve a relationship, show love, or invest in someone's heart? If not, is it a necessary part of my season? If the answer is no, what needs to change so that it does, or should it just be omitted altogether?

Christmas cards sound like such a great way to connect and be all relational, but in reality they aren't. Not for me anyway. Photos of my children sent out were not really an attempt to build relationship, but more like me trying to show off what a good photographer I am. Christmas letters that try to help people catch up were just an attempt to make my life sound prettier and more put together than it really is. Lies and bragging complete with a cute postage stamp. Not a necessary part of my celebration, so they can go. Buh-bye.

They can be replaced with a Christmas craft marathon with my kids. The joy of creative time together is a gift for me, the product of a well thought out, custom made creation for a grandparent is then our gift to give.

This is how we will celebrate this year. More love. More family. More Jesus.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

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