But there are other issues to face.
The mental chatter caused by fear and insecurity that I've managed to keep at bay keeps getting louder.
I have to go before a Russian judge. Intimidated? Slightly. I've never gone before an American judge. I've heard horror stories of 6 hour long court hearings, all in Russian. I don't speak Russian. There are cultural nuances that may affect the answers a judge wants to hear.
I have 3 kids and a part time baby. Alex and baby will both transition to a new sibling easily. Not so sure about the girls. There will be times when they need to be reminded that they are still the center of my universe. The fact that my universe is getting bigger doesn't change that.
Since we homeschool I'm responsible for teaching ESL. I've no clue how to teach ESL. Sure there's an element of "I taught the others to speak English, I can teach this one too" and having a devoted older brother will be a huge help. But still. Not feeling very qualified there.
Then there's the reality of bringing a wounded soul into my family. One who is old enough that his scars will stay with him forever. The neglect/abuse issues. The abandonment issues. The melt downs that last for 4 hours (I've been warned). The fact that we really don't have the financial resources to take this kid to three different kinds of therapy each week.
Don't get me started on the finances. That's a whole can of worms by itself.
We're not even going to think about this kid's teeth.
Yet from the outside I can recognize these insecurities for what they are. I can pinpoint the lies that tell me I'm not good enough, that I'm not qualified for this position, that this was a no-good, very bad idea that will torment my family for generations.
And I can stand on my faith. If Jesus thinks I'm the most qualified mom on the planet for Max, then who am I to argue.In the end, none of these things will matter. The only thing that will matter is that Jesus gave me an assignment, and I obeyed. One more gemstone for my heavenly crown.
And to think, this is the easy part.