The other day I was sitting on the steps in the shallow end, cooling my little tootsies in our watering hole of preference. It was a gloriously sunny (for once) day, and hot as a mother hen (for once). From my little perch I was surrounded by other shallow end Mamas. You know the crowd, the ‘my kids can’t swim independently yet, but I don’t really want to get up and play with them, so I’ll just sit here and throw the ball for them’ group. Sound familiar?
They tend to have conversations that revolve around poop, tee-ball, or Blues Clues.
Last summer I was one of them, watching as my littlest boy bravely found his nerve to venture out of the shallow end. Letting those Mamas believe he was 5 like he appeared, instead of his true age of 8. Smiling and nodding as they shared their woeful tales of raising little bitties. Still sort of able to relate, as my special boy was still having such a hard time adjusting to his new family.
This year the tables have turned a bit. My littlest still has his issues, but he’s no longer confined to the shallow end of life. Thanks to a bit of maturity that comes from taking another trip around the sun, and proper medication that helps calm his angry internal beast, he’s ready for the high dive, in more ways than one.
And as I recognize the growth in my youngest, I recognize the growth in myself. I don’t need to be a shallow end Mama anymore. I don’t need to cling to the job security that motherhood provides. I can be a mom and a…
That my friends is a very good question.
As I cheer my children towards independence I recognize that God has planted a seed in my heart. A seed for something else. A willingness to compartmentalize my Mama-ness, with the understanding that there are more ways to serve God than through parenting.
I can even make the steps to compartmentalize that area of my life without knowing what will step in to fill the void. God is a big God. He can figure out what I’m doing next.
So I’m taking suggestions. Any of you know what God wants me to do next? We can rule out circus clown and professional chess player, those are just not my spiritual cup of tea.
Any of you facing a blind step? I’d love to hear your story.