No thanks. I’m good.

Today I’m thinking about the things I do without. The things in my life that I may or may not ever get. Things that I’ve prayed over enough that the idea of praying for them a bit longer sort of feels like a kick in the gut.
Some people ache to hold a baby of their own. Some just want an honest job.
There are things that we all want so deeply; that we ache for so profoundly, that it hurts to consider discussing the desires with the general public.
And it’s really hard to admit to you that I too have cries that have gone unanswered. If only I could have a son who functions like a healthy nine year old, and a house large enough to contain my growing family. (Not a McMansion. Please, you should know me better than that. Just something where we aren’t tripping over each other anymore would be really great. And enough land that my neighbors won’t hear the screams of my trauma boy and alert the authorities because he’s decided that having to put on shoes is so unfair that he needs to raise a ruckus like he’s fighting for his life. Again. Eye roll.)
These are noble, justifiable requests, are they not? I like to think they are. Definitely worthy of divine intervention if you should ask me.
But these requests, and a handful of others are just desires that I’ve sort of resigned myself to just accepting as “no’s”. And the idea that continuing to ask for such things is mostly just folly. A waste of breath. So instead I channel my efforts into changing my heart. To curbing my own desires to a point where I am almost convinced I don’t really want them. Let alone need them.
No thanks Jesus. I’m good. Really.  It’s ok. Just go listen to someone else’s needs, I’ll shoulder on with my life as it is.
Sounds funny when I say it out loud, doesn’t it?
I’ll bet you’ve heard your heart whisper the same things. At least I hope you have. Cause otherwise I’d sort of feel like the only person on the planet who asks God for crazy things.
And we all know how I feel about asking God for crazy things. This little bloggity sort of acts like a museum for me to show off the crazy things that I’ve asked for and actually received a Yes. And if my life isn’t enough to prove that I serve a God who delights in the impossible, then just pick up your Bible. It’s so full of people who have asked for and received crazy things that I can’t even begin to count their numbers.
So whether my very noble sounding requests (and the less than noble requests that I am not about to share with you) ever receive a Yes or not isn’t really the point. The point is that I have the guts to keep asking for them. And to remember and believe that my God can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants.

1 comment:

Tanya said...

Yes.... this! I would never ever have asked for 33 days for God to bring my son's pet cockatiel home. It felt useless and hopeless and futile. But he prayed fervently and we prayed along with him to support his heart. And God saw fit to give him a wonderful story of faithful prayers answered and His graciousness. Thanks for reminding me that prayer is about my relationship with Him and that I need to keep asking for the crazy stuff :)


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