I am not a type A person. I am not the up and att'em, take over the world by lunch time type.
Eek. That was hard to say outloud. Do you know how long I've been fighting that truth about myself?
I hate to say it, but while the rest of the world is busy trying to accumulate more stuff, more acclaims, more more more, bigger and better, and all that crap, my inner self is crying out for less, for smaller, for simpler.
For years I thought there was something wrong with me. Like I was crazy or broken because I couldn't relate to the people in my network who were always on the move.It didn't help when I'd bump into people (mostly teachers and coaches who wanted to motivate me to be the best that I could be) who couldn't figure out why I wasn't setting unrealistically high goals for myself. I think I was even called complacent once by someone who thought I'd be better off reaching for the stars like they were. Yuck. Nobody wants to be called that.
But as I've grown into my own skin I've realized that I'm really ok with being who God created me to be. He didn't create me to be a do-er, He created me to be a be-er. A peaceful gal. A gal who is happy to just sit at his feet. I'm a Mary not a Martha. But sadly I'm a Mary trapped in the world of Marthas who are trying to convince me that I should be a Martha too.
And I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing it all wrong. I'm tired of the world telling me I'm supposed to be the type A person like Martha when Jesus mostly just wants us all to be like Mary. I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't want me to try to take over the world. That's sort of His job.
So I'm done fighting. You can think I'm complacent if you want, but I prefer the term content. I'm done trying to please all the coaches and teachers and other soccer mom-types who think I could do so much better if I just applied myself. Frankly I'd wrather please Jesus than them anyway.
If you need me, don't look for me in the train of movers and shakers trying to out serve eachother. I'm not there. I'll be over here. In my simple little life, loving those around me who really just want to be loved.
Any other Mary's hiding out there? It's time to come out of hiding and be counted. You aren't alone.
4 comments:
I recently wrote on my blog about getting off the Autobahn and beginning to stroll for the first time in my 45 years of living. When I originally was writing the words, I felt myself being embarrassed at this admission. I had to process my feelings with God, process this new season of life I am coming into. Posting the blog...hitting post... it was actually healing and freeing! Thank you for the words of this post. They add to my self-acceptance and eager expectation of this new journey of life!
I recently wrote on my blog about getting off the Autobahn and beginning to stroll for the first time in my 45 years of living. When I originally was writing the words, I felt myself being embarrassed at this admission. I had to process my feelings with God, process this new season of life I am coming into. Posting the blog...hitting post... it was actually healing and freeing! Thank you for the words of this post. They add to my self-acceptance and eager expectation of this new journey of life!
a line of thought i've pursued posting numerous times .. good for you! be whom God has called you to be - step away from the performance orientation of the NA church and truly enjoy whom you are 'becoming' - Col 3.10
in case you've time or interest, a couple of my posts and another on the topic. And one with Kem Meyer's video HERE. blessings on your BEING..
Be.
still.
and
know.
I Am.
God.
Have you read Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World? We read it in small group a couple of years ago. Great book.
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