Grace under fire

All adoption stories are different. There is one common thread that seems to unite them, struggle. Struggle with birth parents, bureaucracy, and finances or a combination of all three are all common. It seems that our struggle will be of a spiritual nature. I went on a bit of a rampage last week. I’d like to say my war cry made a difference. It didn’t. All week I continued to struggle with anger and frustration over not being able to use “critical” technology. I was at the end of my rope more times than I’d like to admit. To say that my emotions are a little raw right now would be a bit of an understatement. But you know what, God is still in this. I can still see His hand in everything. Aside from technology, every other area of my life is happy. Our fundraising is going better than expected, we are sailing past all our adoption hurdles with remarkable ease, and our friends and family have really rallied around us in support. God is so clearly in the middle of this storm, it’s impossible to miss His presence. And I want the world to know it. The question is how do I let the world know what is really happening in our lives without sounding like a crybaby. How do I handle this mess with God given grace and dignity? In short, I don’t know. I don’t know how to praise God in the storm. But I’m learning. I’m learning what is really critical in my life and what isn’t. It turns out that television and cell phones aren’t, but I’m still not convinced that I can do without reliable access to the internet. On the flip side, Christian music has become a reliable staple in our lives. It’s interesting to note that on the extensive list of things that don’t work in this house that both of our radios (which are constantly tuned to the Christian radio station) are in perfect working order. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Other items that have climbed onto our critical list are Godly friends and family, and time with God in prayer and reading the Bible. It’s funny how much more relevant God’s words are when your emotions are as raw as mine are.
So is this fun? Not really. Am I ready to pitch this mess, and go back to easy life? Sometimes. Ok, more often than not. But am I defeated? No. I am most certainly not defeated. My armor is thick, remember? And it gets thicker every day. I have my eye on the prize, and by golly I’m in it to win it.

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