The truth about adoption

It's not a secret. We adopted a "special" kid. Our little Max has all sorts of delays and baggage associated with the neglect and abuse he suffered before he joined our family.  Not all kids who are adopted are as broken as ours is, but most have a significant amount of brokenness boiling just below the surface. It doesn't really matter if they were neglected and abused for seven years, or if the abuse happened while they were still in utero. Nor does it doesn't matter if the abuse happened in Russia, or in New York, it inflicted the same pain. All adopted kids have scars that lead to a certain degree of "specialness".

So with that in mind, in honor of November being Adoption Awareness month, I'd just like to tell you the truth about what adoption really is, and later on this week we'll talk about what it is not.

Adoption is:

Recognizing that the world doesn't really revolve around you, even if you really really want it to.

Realizing that love is a choice. A choice that must be made every single day. Whether your child is spitting on you or not.

Trusting, trusting, trusting.

Learning how to make friends with other parents who can't control their children either, instead of jumping to the conclusion that they are obviously just bad parents.

Taking a life that was so badly broken that it had no chance for a future, and giving it wings.

Rejoicing over the stupidest little victories because you know that every single  one is one that would not have happened if you hadn't stepped up to the plate. - Like the time my 8 year old finally counted to 20. Even though we practiced it every day for 10 months. And he got it mixed up every single day. And I"m looking at my other 8 year twin daughters who could count to 20 when they were four, and making darned well sure they know what their brother just accomplished. And I'm calling all my friends so they can celebrate with us. Because frankly, it IS a big deal that my baby can count to 20. And all the adoptive mom's are out there totally nodding their heads, because they all know.

It is a spiritual battle. It is reclaiming a soul from Satan's hand, knowing that he doesn't give up easily. Knowing that he will constantly remind them of their past, and feed them horrible lies about how meaningless their lives are. All. The. Time. 


Anonymous said...

Well how about the adoptive dads nodding their heads as well? I too understand that victory. Math was not our problem but reading was the challenge. I rejoice that he loves to read now.

holly said...

Thanks for this Elissa! We celebrated last year shortly after Lidiya turned 10, because she could finally, after 9 months of daily work, correctly identify the four main coins and their respective values. We are still working on learning to count them... A couple of weeks ago, we celebrated because she was able to vocalize that she was getting angry BEFORE she melted down:) The seemingly little victories are huge and should be celebrated, and our special kids are definitely worth fighting for!!

Jill Locklear said...

crying... what an amazing calling to reclaim that life. I'm covering you with prayers as you fight emotional, spiritual, and physical battles daily. Praise God that He is the Victor and the battle is already won!


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