Things you never thought you'd learn at VBS

We've learned a ton at Bible school this week. We've learned all the normal stuff about God and Heaven and all that stuff that was the same as last year. We learned the latest round of Bible school songs, which yes, are just as annoying as last years songs. Shh. Don't tell the music ladies I said that, they'll throw me in the pool.

Anyway.

We did learn a few unconventional lessons this year. Annie learned how to volunteer. Or snarf extra snacks from the kitchen, candy from the welcome center, chat with all the other volunteers, make a  cute name tag, and spin in the office chairs. Lets be honest, that's why we all volunteer, right?

Louisa learned never to headbutt Mommy while wearing a viking helmet. Ouch.

And Max, well... he learned nuffin. It's a good thing he's so darned cute.

 

Oh, by the way! Today's the last day to enter to win one of my extra copies of the book Risk. Go here to check out the details!

Origami Yoda

Yoda made from origami did you make? 

Why yes we did.

Ours happens to like cheese.

And has a great meanie face. Don't mess with him when he has his angry eyes on. 

Why yes, he does have a light saber. 

I'll bet you didn't realize that Yoda's travel in packs, did you?

We found directions on how to make Origami Yoda in a funny little book titled The Strange case of Origami Yoda 

The View From the Back Seat

Hour long car ride + 3 squirrely kids + camera = 100+ hilarious photos

Super Momio

To ease the monotony of stay-at-home motherness I often have little day dreams that make each day a little more fun and entertaining. Some days come out rather theatrical, this day shall be played like a video game.

Instead of being Super Mario, can you please refer to me as Super Momio for the rest of the post? Just play along, it'll make the whole scenario a little more fun.

So if my life were a video game, and I was Super Momio, every time I collected another dirty sock I'd earn 100 points. Bonus points for dirty undies. Ew.
My mission would be to take all the dirty socks and undies I collect to laundryland and throw them in a fiery furnace. Or the washing machine. Along the way I'd avoid pencil stealing gremlins and roaming toddlers. I'd keep them at bay by shoot baked goods at them from my special Super Momio gun.

Ka-boom.

Take that toddler.


Ok, so video game developer I am not.
Don't quit your day job. I know.

The Things that Come out of My Mouth

Ever have one of those times when words came out of your mouth that you were quite sure that you should be saying.
Case in point.

Hey toddler. If you are hiding, don't announce to the whole world that you are hiding in the bathroom. It sort of defeats the purpose.

No, Louisa. Your bottom does not smell good.

Annie, can I ask why Polly Pocket is reclining in your cereal? Is she having milk bath?
 
The toddler wants to borrow my car. Should I be worried? Maybe I'll just let her mother handle that one when she comes to pick her up.

There's a chicken in my pants! (thank you little people for making plastic chickens that are rather easy to hide in dirty laundry piles on the floor, I'm rather glad they didn't lay eggs while they were in there. Just sayin')

A Letter to the Mouse

 Dear Mouse,

It was so nice of you to come and visit us the other day. While we didn't exactly invite you in, the children rather enjoyed meeting you. 

The day you visited must have been your lucky day. You found the trap and outsmarted it.
Sadly, you're still a mouse, and you're just not that smart.
Here's a helpful hint. Don't try to hide in plain site. Smack in the middle of my kitchen floor is usually the first place I look for live mouses.
It's possible you were blinded by my radiance. Understandable.  It's also  possible you didn't realize you were trying to hide in a wide open space.  Alex says there was something wrong with one of your eyes.
That's what they all say. Personally, I think you were just winking at me.

Like Hey baby. Yeah, I know I'm cute. Getta good look at my tail.

Whatever the reason you didn't run from us, it was nice of you to let Alex catch you and take you back outside.

You know if it had been me, I would have introduced you to my shovel.
Ick. Ick. Gross. Gross.
What would I do without a devoted son to catch mice for me. Clean mouse guts off of my shovel. That's what I'd do.
It's because of my rather helpful son that you survived to scurry another day.
Just don't come back.
K?
Thanks,
A Rather Grossed-out Mom

A Day in our Lives, the Theatrical Version...

The other day I read an article in a magazine about a typical day-in-the-life of a homeschooling family. While the article was rather thorough and accurate I couldn't help thinking it was on the boring side. A little like my typical day. I decided to write a response to the article in my head. It looked a little like this.
Instead of a blow by blow approach I decided to write it as a play.


The characters:
princess twinkle toes # 1 and #2 - they look a lot alike and could actually be played by the same actress. In fact some days I think they are.
their evil gremlin brother - he has a nasty habit of stealing all the pencils during school time and hiding them under his bed. I think he's trying to communicate something to the audience.
the roaming ankle-biter - this part is played by the neighbor's baby. She's only in acts 1 and 2 of our little drama.
Don't overlook the stars of our little show: The fairest in the land (AKA Mommy) and Daddy, who is played by a badger.
* These titles in no way portray the actual temperament of the members of our family.

The plot:
The characters wake
They grumble over their responsibilities. The grown ups, not the kids - they play.
A tornado strikes the entire house, actually I think it's a hurricane. Whatever it is, it has 6 legs and a toddler.
The fairest in the land calls FEMA to come clean up the mess. They're no help. So she enlists the townspeople instead. They're just as helpful. So she does what any sane queen would do, she hides in the tower with a case of chocolate bars until her badger, I mean husband, comes home.
Curtains close! Everyone takes a bow.


See I told you that was more fun.
And sadly just as accurate.

You know you're a good mom when

My Alex recently decided to give me my very first performance review. As in how my ratings are with the 8 year old demographic.
Since I scored in the 90th percentile I feel qualified to give you some hints about how you too can score so high in your reviews.
Step 1: Let you kids eat candy for breakfast (true story! The girls were away spending the night at Grandma's and I let him try some of the taffy that Grandma brought back from the beach for his breakfast). Mother of the year. I know. But hey it helped my ratings so don't judge me.
Step 2: Let him play video games (ok, it was bejeweled blitz on facebook and every point he earns goes to my overall total - so I was really the winner in this scenario)
Step 3: When girls get back from Grandma's, feel guilty that the boy hasn't had any quality time with her, so send them off together to the lake house for the afternoon.

That my friends is how you score so high on your performance reviews. If you should be in the position to be evaluated that is.
We won't talk about the two girls who cried and moaned for a good hour after Alex left with Grandma, because Alex got a "better" treat than they did.
I fear my performance levels for their demographic would not have been so high.

Guest Blogger: Louisa

(Self Portrait by Louisa)

Hi Louisa! Howdy

How are you today: absolutely perfect

What is your favorite thing to play: foxy

What do you do to make your family laugh: make funny sounds

What's your favorite place to be: snuggling with Mommy

What is your favorite restaurant: Bob Evans

What's something you like to do when you are feeling sneaky that you don't want Daddy to know about? steal Halloween candy

If you had a million dollars what would you do with it: help people

How are you different than your sister: She likes different foods

If you could be any animal what would you pick and why: a fox because I like them, and they are very fast

Whats your favorite art supply: stickers and crayons, and the paper cutter

Guest blogger - Annie

(Annie's self portrait)

Alex had so much fun being in the spotlight yesterday that it was only fair to let the other kids have a turn. so today it's Annie's turn. Louisa was too busy playing Uno with Alex. So here's Annie's interview!

Hi Annie! hi

How are you today: fine What is your favorite thing to play: making tents with Max

What is your best joke: knock knock, who's there, ah! they're home! (do you get it? it's a robber)

What do you do to make your family laugh: make funny faces (like this one! oh wait you can't see it)

What is your favorite thing to do with Mommy: sew

Daddy: make waffles

What's something you like to do when you are feeling sneaky that you don't want Daddy to know about? steal candy

If you had a million dollars what would you do with it: help Russian orphans

What is your favorite food: Pizza!

How are you different than your sister: I wear pink clothes and Louisa wears purple, and I lost more teeth than she did.

Hats for Pakistan - part 2

So I talked a little last week about some hats we'd made for Pakistan. Well after our sewing workshop was done, I decided to make a few little hats of my own. Sadly they weren't quite finished when my mother in law had to go back to New Mexico, so we had to make sure she saw them before the flew off to the other side of the planet.

This one was taken by sweet Louisa. Didn't she do a good job?

and here are my silly children who are not cooperating.

a case of the sillies

After I was up all night with a sick Louisa I could use a little chuckle. I thought you could to. These are from a few days ago.

I don't know what it is about this one of Alex, to me it just shouts CREEPY OLD MAN!

Again with the creepy shots of my children. I know. But this one of Louisa made us all laugh.

And finally Annie, my most photogenic kid - um. No comment.